Money conversations in relationships remain awkward territory for many young adults. A dating and relationship coach argues that discussions about spending habits, saving approaches and financial values should happen early on, even in the first few dates, as these factors shape compatibility. However, many 20-somethings interviewed in New York City take a different view, suggesting that salary discussions belong only after becoming official partners.
Willa Morton, 25, who works in tech sales, doesn't believe couples need to reveal exact salaries at all. She says you can gauge someone's earnings from their lifestyle and spending patterns instead. Her boyfriend, a company founder, typically pays for larger expenses while she covers smaller bills like coffees. Alexa Ludato, 25, working in insurance, only wants to discuss salaries once in an official relationship. Vik Sunderaj, 22, thinks asking about salary in the first few dates is inappropriate and would consider it a red flag.
Others feel even stronger about the topic. Bridget Shurdut, 26, working in sales, would view an early salary question as odd and potentially stop seeing that person. She says she cares more about ambition and drive than current earnings. Emily Moretta, 26, has been with her boyfriend for two years without explicitly discussing their salaries, though she assumes he has a rough idea of her income.
The divide reflects broader uncertainty about financial transparency in relationships. Most younger adults seem to prefer waiting until relationships become serious before discussing specific earnings, while experts argue the conversation should focus on values and habits much sooner.